ART: The Lonely Picnic
In my life there have been a few wonderful events or conversations that have been so GOD DAMN GOOD that I've written them down to preserve them FOREVER BECAUSE THEY ARE SO GOOD DAMN GOD - Here are some of them that have happened:
Bus
Me: *Listening to some good music*Bus Girl: *Conversing with Bus Girl 2* Oh my god! Have you seen Justin Biebers new hair cut?!
Me: *Aware that someone is talking about Justin Bieber, I mute my music*
Bus Girl: I used to think he was great but he is so horrible now. I dont no why did it, I really wanted to see his hair all flow in 3D!
Me: *Un-Muting my music, tutting, as I contemplate the shallow-ness of her, and probably many other Justin Bieber fans.*
FUN FACT: If you’re worrying about not getting to see Justin’s lovely flowing hair in Never Say Never 3D because of his haircut, don’t worry, it was filmed before the cutting of hair. Okay?
Car Park
Mum: Myles, where’s the car?Me: Ermm…Not sure, probably around here somewhere.
Mum: I could have sworn it was right here.
Me: We’ve probably just forgotten where we parked.
Mum: …What if someones stolen it.
Me: I doub-
Mum: Oh my god, someones walked off with the car!
Me: Why would someone Walk off with a car. Why would they not drive off in it?
Mum: Where is it?! Someones walked off with it
Me: No ones walked off with the car Mum, it's right there.
*Phone Vibrates*
Mum: Who’s that?Me: Oh, just one of my friends…
Mum: What did he want?
Me: Just wondered if I wanted to go into town with a few friends on Monday.
Mum: Like who?
Me: Erm, me, Emily, Geary and Charlie-
Mum: What!? Charlie is so cool?
Me: Errr-What? He has 600,000 subscribers. Why would I be popping into town with him?
Mum: I don’t know. He might like you.
Justin Bieber on X-Factor
Mum: Oh he is a bit weird. He cant be normal. How old is he? His voice can’t have brokenDad: Myles, look it’s you!
*Justin says ‘I love my fans’ and ‘Hey Cheryl’*
Mum: He’s not ordinary.
Radio
Me: Mum can I put Radio 1 on?Mum: Ermm…Radio 1?
Me: Yeah.
Mum: Okay, as long as it’s not too “Bangy Bangy”
Me: Okay.
p.s. I can control levels of ‘Bangy Bangy’
Ambition
Girl: Myles, what do you want to be when you’re older?Me: *Putting on my sexy voice to show I have a clear ambition in life* A journalist.
Girl: … Oh…
Me: Yeah.
Girl: I thought you would have been a guitar man or a scientist?
Me: *Thinking: ‘What a wonderful job being a guitar man would be…Don’t know what the job actually consists of, but being a man made of guitars would be great!* Nah.
Girl: What’s a journalist?!
Me: Really!? … Well, it’s someone who writes and stuff *Slowly realising that it was not worth the effort keeping this conversation going*
Girl: Oh, that’s really really boring though… I want to be a beautician.
ABSOLUTE MONG
Girl: I need to go home Miss, I don't feel well.Teacher: You just got here and you've done no work.
Girl: But miss I feel so ill!
Teacher: Look you have to come to school unless you're knocking on Deaths door.
Girl: … (thinking) …. Where’s that?
God: Is… is…she joking?
I've met a few guitar men in my day, Myles. On the average, they tend to live just above "bum" level. Once their guitar is gone, then they are actually considered bums. Basically, any bum with a prop such as a guitar or a walking stick isn't truly a bum until they lose that prop; they're considered a guitar man or a traveler until then.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, stick with journalism!